Most Ridiculous Horse Racing Moments of 2015

Most Ridiculous Moments of 2015

By: Mark Palmere

Connections of racehorses are often poised and sophisticated. However, from time to time, a few are caught saying some pretty sensational nonsense. Brace yourself for a recap of the year’s most ridiculous remarks from around the track.

People say silly things all of the time. It’s just a way of life. It may be even truer, though, in the sport of horse racing, where putting months of work into a 1,200-pound animal running 35 mph for only one or two minutes can make anyone go a little crazy. I intended to spotlight the most ridiculous quote of the past year by an owner, a trainer, a jockey and a horse. Unfortunately, it appears every racehorse in recorded history has pulled a Marshawn Lynch, because I could not find a single instance of one speaking to the press, so that final category was a late scratch. (That’s a horse racing reference, for those of you reading who happen to be familiar with the sport). Sad, but life moves on. So without further ado, the most ridiculous statements of the past year by each connection of a horse:

Jockey: Kent Desormeaux

On July 29, Del Mar stewards removed Kent from his final two mounts for failing a breathalyzer test, a double standard if I’ve ever seen one: If Zenyatta can drink Guinness before her races, why can’t Kent? The test was also a disturbing example of entrapment: The final horse Desormeaux rode that day before his removal was named Tequila Mary. How can you let a jockey ride a horse literally named Tequila and then expect him to pass a sobriety test?

Kent instead fabricated a different excuse that was equally logical, tweeting “I just proved the breathalyzer was affected by the carbonated water I was drinking. It blows up the test. ICE carbonated water.” (Or at least, we can assume he tweeted that excuse, as Kent’s Twitter account is not verified, ostensibly because Twitter would rather verify the accounts of every local news weatherman and blog contributor with 950 followers at best than the account of a three-time Kentucky Derby winning jockey, but I digress).

For those worried that you may have misinterpreted that comment, fear not, Kent really did blame his failed breathalyzer test on drinking Sparkling ICE brand carbonated water. An excuse that, were it accepted, could have led to the overturning of dozens of DUI convictions every day. But of course it was not, due to an obscure technicality that I can exclusively report: There is no alcohol in Sparkling ICE.

And if Ice could lead to a failed breathalyzer, how come Kent didn’t blow above the legal limit after any of his many rides on Keen Ice? Or, for that matter, after winning the 2009 Belmont Stakes aboard Summer Bird, trained by, you guessed it, Tim Ice. Even polar bears don’t have as much contact with ice as Kent Desormeaux does, yet none of that ice has caused a previous failed test!

However, there was one positive to come out of Desormeaux’s excuse: Sparkling ICE’s product placement. You can’t buy this type of publicity! (Or can you? Any marketing specialists reading this may want to contact their favorite tweeting jockey to find out, just in case!) And you just know Monster Energy is kicking themselves over this; after paying thousands of dollars to Ahmed Zayat (for whom owning American Pharoah is not about the money) to put their logo on Pharoah’s shadow roll, blanket, and more, they realized too late that the way to become the most talked about beverage in racing is to simply be blamed by a jockey for a failed sobriety test.

Owner: Michael Dubb

Dubb, who owns such horses as Belle Gallantey, the splashtastic Condo Commando (Note: that adjective is legally required to be attached to every mention of Ms. Commando), and Slumber, ironically found himself asleep at the wheel when he made some inflammatory comments after his horse Magna Light was disqualified from victory in Saratoga’s Sanford Stakes on July 25th. “There is a different set of standards in racing for [Magna Light’s trainer] Rudy Rodriguez. Maybe because he is Mexican, he is picked on. He is being treated unfairly… it’s the world we live in.”

Wow. Blaming a loss on an anti-Mexican bias in racing? While it is true that, at that time, it had been a full month-and-a-half since any Mexican jockey had won the Triple Crown, Dubb’s comments are like the entire state of California: they don’t hold water. For one, Donald Trump is way too busy running for president to spend time judging horse races.

And secondly, the horse put up in place of Magna Light, Uncle Vinny, was ridden by Puerto Rican-born John Velazquez.

Now, you’re probably thinking to yourself, “But Puerto Rico and Mexico are two completely different cultures.” Correct. But you only know that because you’re cultured. If the stewards were anti-Mexican, I’m pretty sure they would think John Velazquez was also a Mexican, and therefore not let him win. Checkmate. More likely, if the disqualification was in fact unjustified, then it had less to do with the trainer taken down than the one put up – Todd Pletcher.

Pletcher is (in)famous for getting the benefit of the doubt from the stewards, a belief made even stronger the very next day when another horse trained by Pletcher won a graded stakes via disqualification. The difference? This time the disqualified horse was trained by Larry Jones, who, for those who cannot tell by the fact that his name is literally “Larry Jones,” is a… READ THE FULL STORY